Stonewalling is when someone shuts down, withdraws, or refuses to engage during a conversation—especially in conflict. 23 Maret 2026
Instead of discussing the issue, they might:
Go silent
Avoid eye contact
Give one-word answers
Change the subject
Physically leave
Act emotionally detached
In relationships
Stonewalling is common during arguments. For example:
One partner wants to talk about a problem.
The other feels overwhelmed and emotionally “flooded.”
Instead of responding, they shut down.
Psychologist John Gottman identifies stonewalling as one of the “Four Horsemen” that can damage relationships if it becomes a pattern.
Why people stonewall
It’s often not about cruelty. It can happen because:
They feel overwhelmed
They fear conflict
They don’t know how to express emotions
They learned to avoid confrontation growing up
The difference between stonewalling and needing space
Healthy space: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can we take 20 minutes and come back to this?”
Stonewalling: Silence, refusal to respond, no plan to return to the conversation.
💬 How to respond to someone who is stonewalling
The key is: don’t chase, don’t attack, don’t beg. That usually makes them shut down more.
1. Stay calm + name what’s happening
You can say:
“I feel like you’re shutting down right now.”
“I want to talk, but it seems like you need a moment.”
👉 This shows awareness, not accusation.
2. Give space (but with structure)
“Let’s take a break and talk again in 30 minutes.”
“We can continue this later when we’re both calmer.”
👉 Important: always include a return time. Otherwise it becomes avoidance.
3. Set a boundary if it keeps happening
“I’m okay giving space, but I need us to come back and actually talk.”
“Ignoring me isn’t something I can accept long-term.”
👉 Calm, but firm. Not emotional explosion.
4. If they block or disappear
This is stronger than stonewalling—it’s avoidant behavior.
Your response:
Don’t chase
Don’t over-explain
Let them sit with their decision
You protect your dignity:
“I’m open to communication, but not silence.”
🐎 The “Four Horsemen” (from John Gottman)
These are 4 toxic communication patterns that predict relationship failure if repeated:
1. Criticism
Attacking the person, not the behavior
❌ “You’re always selfish”
✅ “I felt hurt when…”
2. Contempt (the worst one)
Disrespect, sarcasm, feeling superior
Examples:
Eye-rolling
Mocking
Insults
👉 This destroys emotional safety.
3. Defensiveness
Refusing responsibility, always blaming back
❌ “It’s not my fault, you started it”
👉 No one feels heard.
4. Stonewalling
Shutting down, ignoring, emotionally withdrawing
👉 What you’re dealing with.
💡
you wanna the truth my mom told me...?
Mama bilang.. ada 2 orang yang kuliah di fakultas psikologi kata mama : ( 2001)
1. Orang yang sebenarnya sudah pintar psychology
2. Orang yang " berobat ". ( Read : Tidak sehat mental )
Haha 😆 I love your mom’s honesty! That’s actually quite funny but insightful. She basically divided psychology students into two groups:
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Already wise / naturally understanding minds – they “get” people, emotions, and behavior without needing much help themselves.
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“Self-help” students – people who are drawn to psychology because they have their own mental stuff to work through.
It’s funny, but also kind of true — many people study psychology not only to understand others, but to understand and heal themselves.
Honestly, it’s kind of a compliment to both types: one is naturally gifted in perception, the other brave enough to confront their own inner world.
😄 — here’s a playful, real-life take on “Types of Psychology Students”, inspired by your mom’s truth:
🧠 Types of Psychology Students (Mama Edition)
1. The Naturally Wise 🌿
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They “just get it” — emotions, motivations, human quirks.
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Often calm, observant, and surprisingly insightful without therapy or books.
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Their classmates sometimes joke: “Do they even need to study? They were born like this!”
Fun fact: They’re usually the ones who become great counselors, mediators, or leaders — not because they memorized DSM-5, but because they feel people deeply.
2. The “Self-Healing” Students 🩹
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Drawn to psychology to understand themselves.
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Sometimes their notebooks are full of personal reflections disguised as case studies.
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They laugh at memes like “I became a psychologist to fix me, not you”.
Fun fact: These students often become amazing therapists — because they’ve walked through their own emotional storms.
3. The Academic Explorer 📚
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Loves the theory, experiments, and research side.
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Psychology is their puzzle: studying the brain, behavior patterns, and data.
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They’re less about emotions, more about understanding patterns and systems.
Fun fact: They’re the ones who publish papers, make models, and maybe invent new therapy techniques.
4. The Accidental Psychologist 🤔
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Took psychology “because it sounded interesting” or because friends recommended it.
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Learns about humans mostly through chaos and surprises in life.
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Often ends up wiser than they expected — through trial and error!
Fun fact: These are usually the storytellers or motivational speakers, because life itself became their classroom.
So really, your mom’s joke is just the tip of the iceberg — psychology students are a mix of innate wisdom, personal healing journeys, and curious explorers.
Kata mama : kalau di test kita ga boleh tahu hasilnya terutama kalau buat kerjaan ( yang tahu hanya yang tukang test / pihak yang mempekerjakan dan tidak untuk di share ke banyak pihak )
Kata mama test terbaik adalah saat orang ga persiapan. Natural.
Orang itu cenderung pengen kasi jawaban ideal 💡 sementara fungsi test psychology adalah untuk mengetahui natural karakteristik.
Jadi pas saya mau test , selalu ingat kata kata mama :
Jawab yang paling sesuai denganmu. Jujur diri sendiri. Bukan yang menurut kamu akan dianggap baik oleh si penilai. Karena hasilnya justru akan kacau dan merugikan diri sendiri.
Mama kamu benar sekali 👍.
Psikotes atau tes kepribadian memang dirancang untuk menangkap karakter asli kita, bukan “jawaban sempurna” yang kita kira diinginkan orang lain. Kalau kita berusaha tampil ideal, hasilnya malah bisa kontradiktif dan terbaca “tidak konsisten,” yang akhirnya merugikan kita sendiri.
Makanya:
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Tidak perlu over-preparation untuk psikotes.
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Jawab sesuai diri sendiri, meski terasa sederhana.
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Tujuannya bukan mencari “baik” atau “buruk,” tapi melihat apakah kepribadian kita cocok dengan posisi/lingkungan kerja tertentu.
Jadi pesan mama kamu itu sangat bijak: kejujuran dalam menjawab = hasil tes yang paling berguna untuk diri kamu sendiri. 🌿
Kalau kita menjawab tidak sesuai dengan karakter asli dalam psikotes, kerugiannya bisa cukup besar, baik jangka pendek maupun jangka panjang:
🔹 Kerugian Jangka Pendek
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Ketahuan tidak konsisten → pola jawaban terlihat janggal, sehingga HRD/psikolog bisa menilai kita mencoba memanipulasi.
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Risiko gagal seleksi → hasil tes bisa menunjukkan “tidak cocok” atau “tidak dapat dipercaya,” padahal sebenarnya karakter asli kita mungkin cocok.
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Citra kurang jujur → HRD bisa merasa ragu karena ada tanda “fake good” (terlalu sempurna).
🔹 Kerugian Jangka Panjang
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Ditempatkan di posisi yang salah → kalau hasil tes menunjukkan kita cocok jadi leader padahal aslinya kita lebih nyaman support, nanti kerjaan terasa berat, stres, bahkan burnout.
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Tidak betah di lingkungan kerja → hasil manipulasi bisa membuat kita masuk ke tim/pekerjaan yang tidak sesuai karakter, akhirnya cepat ingin resign.
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Kesempatan diri sendiri terhambat → karena kita tidak menampilkan diri asli, perusahaan juga tidak bisa memberikan peran yang benar-benar sesuai dengan potensi kita.
✨ Jadi, kerugian paling besar adalah kita menipu diri sendiri. Psikotes sebetulnya bukan untuk menilai baik-buruk, tapi untuk mencari cocok atau tidak cocok dengan pekerjaan/lingkungan tertentu.
KAOS MAMA ENI
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