I was raised with manners. Later I have nephews ( the sons of my brother).. one of them is extremely smart and fast learner.. like me and my siblings π we got praised as smart children. I was called as " centil " because I talked so sweet and smarty when I was still a child πΈ
Then I met a partner who adopted a daughter ( my partner had a relationship with a woman who got pregnant with another man / cheated. Sounds like drama. I know).
DAUGHTER
The need of love from both parents...she doesn't feel enough. Has traumatic relationships to family and parents.. I tried my best to help her. We talked a lot until she told me scary things that my partner said all of the stories are the daughter's self imagination. Not real. Couldn't stand the stories. I consulted with my partner. Sadly my partner didn't have boundaries..he told everything.. including private matters and that daughter was mad because I talked to her dad about her story.
Kids and adults are different. We don't talk all discussions ( especially between adults).. like " this daughter has a problem about making her imagination like reality and it makes us doesn't understand well. Is that the truth or imagination. And she keeps doing it . What should we do as adults to help her" ==> her dad told me that she has a mental health.. information βΉ️ about that should be kept between adults because the daughter is still a teenager. But he told everything. This is conflict one. Case closed by me telling her that I talked to his dad because we wanted to help her to focus on good things. Not negative past memories.
==> Yet she thought I betrayed her. Because she only opened up to me. While mindset to my family we never hide anything important especially about traumatic events. And you must open up to one member of the family ( can be sister, uncle, daddy , mommy). If you can't open up to your family. It means there's no trust there ( π’). Not good.
FIRST RULE FOR MEN :
1. topics between parents / adults aren't kid's consumption. We're here to guide the kid. The kid has not much experience than us.. especially about parenting topic
HERE'S THE GUIDANCE
Parents can tell their teenagers many things to guide and support them, but it's important to balance honesty, boundaries, and respect for their growing independence. Here’s a breakdown:
π« What parents CAN tell their teenagers:
1. Guidance on values and ethics: Parents can share their beliefs and values, helping their teenagers understand right from wrong.
2. Life lessons: Stories from their own experiences can provide valuable life insights.
3. Rules and expectations: Clear communication about household rules, school expectations, and social behavior is essential for structure.
4. Emotional support: Parents should express love, reassurance, and understanding, especially during tough times.
5. Information about risks: It's important to talk about issues like peer pressure, substance abuse, and internet safety.
6. Honest feedback: Constructive criticism and advice can help teens grow, as long as it is delivered with kindness and understanding.
π« What parents should be cautious about telling their teenagers:
1. Overly personal information: Details about adult issues like finances, marital conflicts, or mental health problems should be shared thoughtfully and age-appropriately. :: here's why the conflict one happened
2. Harsh criticism: Negative comments about their appearance, abilities, or choices can hurt their self-esteem. It's better to offer encouragement and support.
3. Inflexible opinions: Forcing opinions or beliefs without room for discussion can lead to rebellion. It's better to encourage open conversations and allow teens to develop their own perspectives.
4. Comparisons: Comparing them to siblings, friends, or others can create resentment or feelings of inadequacy.
5. Imposing future plans: Telling them what career or path they must take can limit their sense of autonomy and discourage personal growth.
Ultimately, fostering open and respectful communication helps teenagers feel trusted and supported while they navigate their own independence.
πΊ
I talked to my partner and we put some boundaries.. I mind my own business... And stop trying to help. But in case the daughter needs me, I will be there
FIRST RULE FOR WOMEN:
1. If that's not your children. How deep you want to help, you don't share the same DNA 𧬠you can be misunderstood although you want to help. And since you both don't share the same bounds. It will just hurt yourself trying to help someone else's daughter. Unless you're ready to get hurt. Still there's a competition between you and her biological mother
πΊ
My partner wants to go to another island π️ for a business opportunity and I was asked to accompany him. On the airplane ✈️ π« he said ' I didn't tell my daughter that you're here with me. Because the daughter wanted to come with me. '
π² Shocked π³ wow.. and he said he will manage it.
RULE TWO FOR MEN :
2. Don't lie π€₯ unless you can keep secrets extremely well...
Days ago.. the daughter sent me extremely bad words - messages. Called me as pretend to dumb, she mistrusted me, I shouldn't be there because I don't have family in that island π️ while she has an ill grandmother there..
RULE FOR EVERYONE :
1. Talk nicely although you are mad. And don't accused people like you're the purest. Every story has 3 sides. Yours, mine, and the truth..
2. Don't use bad words . It shows you're lack of self control
Here's the Guidance about how to talk when you want to file π️ π️/ have complain
When you need to complain, it's important to communicate your concerns effectively without sounding confrontational. Here are some strategies to express complaints constructively:
1. Stay Calm and Composed
- Avoid complaining when you're highly emotional. Take a moment to cool down so your tone is respectful and clear.
2. Be Specific
- Focus on the issue, not the person. Clearly state what you're upset about using specific examples, rather than vague complaints.
- Example: "I felt frustrated when the deadline was missed" instead of "You never do your job properly."
3. Use "I" Statements
- Frame your complaint around your feelings and experience, rather than accusing the other person.
- Example: "I feel overwhelmed when I'm left with extra work" instead of "You always leave me with extra work."
4. Offer Solutions
- Instead of just pointing out the problem, suggest possible solutions. This shows you're interested in resolving the issue, not just complaining.
- Example: "It would help if we could plan better for next time" or "Can we agree on a more organized process?"
5. Stay Polite
- Maintain a respectful tone, even when you're upset. Using "please" and "thank you" can go a long way in keeping the conversation civil.
- Example: "Please let me know in advance if there's a delay" instead of "Why can't you ever be on time?"
6. Focus on the Present
- Stick to the current issue rather than bringing up past problems, which can escalate the situation.
- Example: "This situation today was difficult" rather than "You've been doing this for years."
7. Be Mindful of Timing
- Choose the right time to bring up your complaint. Avoid doing it when the other person is stressed or busy.
By being respectful, solution-oriented, and calm, your complaints are more likely to be heard and addressed constructively.
Above you can see. But she did the opposite... Even said her dad chose me for a woman that he knows less than a year. Over her 17 years old.
RULE NUMBER TWO FOR WOMEN :
2. Behave like a lady no matter how people treat you. And speak like a lady. YOU HAVE CLASS! :)
And yes, I replied her and gave her solutions : I heard you plan on going to the island π️ with your mom. I didn't know your grandmother is ill π€§π€ get well soon. And if you really want to visit the island π️ now , how's the school π«π? You'll leave the school π«π? Do you want me to help you talking to your dad about that? I go to an island π️ to do business with your dad..
( Instead of saying harsh , I talked nicely. I can say like this actually: it's up to your dad to pick me, you can go with your mom to that island π️. Why should be a problem? ).. logically...the daughter is not so smart π€ about handling problem.. I want to teach her ( again). But I am not sure π π maybe it's the best to do rule 3..
RULE NUMBER THERE FOR WOMEN:
3. Make boundaries if necessary. By saying that her dad will pick her over me .. that's not good too. I mean you can't compare a kid and a parent and a partner. Each one of them have different roles.
GUIDANCE ABOUT NOT TO COMPARE BETWEEN PARTNER'S GIRLFRIEND AND PARTNER'S KID
Asking someone to choose between their partner and their child or comparing the two can create unnecessary tension and emotional strain. Here’s why:
1. Unique Relationships: A partner and a child hold very different roles in someone's life. Each relationship is valuable in its own way, and comparing them undermines this fact.
2. Creates Unnecessary Conflict: Forcing someone to choose can make them feel trapped or guilty, potentially damaging both relationships in the process. It can lead to resentment or feelings of inadequacy.
3. Fosters Division: Instead of promoting harmony, such comparisons create division. It might lead to the child feeling less important or the partner feeling threatened.
Alternatives to Consider:
- Encourage Balance: Acknowledge that both relationships matter and finding a healthy balance is key. Encourage open communication and mutual respect between all parties.
- Avoid Competition: Make it clear that love for a child and love for a partner are not in competition; they can coexist without taking away from one another.
- Respect Boundaries: Understand that sometimes a partner needs time with their child, just as they need time with their partner. Respecting these boundaries helps create a healthy dynamic.
Fostering a supportive environment helps maintain healthy relationships between everyone involved.
If she's my daughter , I will train her differently. I like street smart people :)
And I like Positive people with solutions . She needs to be trained about manners, behavior and independency.
I heard her aunt told me : the daughter isn't okay. The behavior. The aunt asked me to help her. Because she will have problems in the future. What I can say? I tried And how the parents especially the mother teaches the daughter is below π my standard. Even the mother is an another woman ♀️ π of a married man And the daughter knows about it. Not good not good..
And she doesn't reply.. for your own mental health.. focus on good things you have can do. And stop controlling things :) if she doesn't like you although most people like you, so be it..
Always be Positive ! π
